this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Send help, water and tortillas.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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