I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
