Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he thought i was a dude.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
