Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
