i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
