You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
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I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me