I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"