Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.

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  (845): oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call. http://tfl.nu/l86s
  Replies (13) Good night (788) Bad night (2451)
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  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

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  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
  Replies (75) Good night (3416) Bad night (10240)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava

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  (617): His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava http://tfl.nu/q9zi
  Replies (164) Good night (2385) Bad night (3683)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.

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  (334): I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/qbrz
  Replies (10) Good night (699) Bad night (3943)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

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  (901): Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front. (662): I think college has really matured you. http://tfl.nu/th4l
  Replies (19) Good night (4615) Bad night (745)
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  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

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  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (15196) Bad night (1221)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?

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  (865): Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store? http://tfl.nu/4sw9
  Replies (24) Good night (5997) Bad night (1778)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???

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  (717): Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK??? http://tfl.nu/2k2z
  Replies (13) Good night (3743) Bad night (1458)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.

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  (703): does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/2knl
  Replies (11) Good night (3753) Bad night (1080)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable

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  (608): dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable http://tfl.nu/uv0g
  Replies (8) Good night (2979) Bad night (1229)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.

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  (816): It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one. http://tfl.nu/pa8f
  Replies (1) Good night (1320) Bad night (620)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."

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  (901): You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants." http://tfl.nu/f9vw
  Replies (6) Good night (563) Bad night (1253)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.

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  (586): Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at. http://tfl.nu/sdak
  Replies (2) Good night (419) Bad night (828)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.

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  (507): Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago. http://tfl.nu/hsyr
  Replies (1) Good night (722) Bad night (415)
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  (916): View more from California

  My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.

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  (916): My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one. http://tfl.nu/b014
  Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (224)

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