Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.