I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
