so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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