is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
3pm strippers are depressing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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