there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
