Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
