do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
