He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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