My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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