I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
