You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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