i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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