I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
