Just fell off a train. Bad.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
