there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
