Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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