I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
