i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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