I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
