Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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