The maid of honor just puked.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
