If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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