I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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