we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hippo gnu deer
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
