I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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