Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
