I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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