I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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