the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
