Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
