theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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