highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
