And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42†tv lol
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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