Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
