3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
