bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
