there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
