i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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