why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
