We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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