we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
