Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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