Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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