I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
