Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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