While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
