i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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