You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
