U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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