Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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