I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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