i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
