Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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