Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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