Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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