Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
