I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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