Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
two words...techno handjob
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
