guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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