there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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