You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
