i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
