It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
