im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
