So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
