His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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