speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
