My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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