I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
