Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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