Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
