she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
