My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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