shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
