We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
