youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
