Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is Oprah even human
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?