I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
